Bubba's Unsuperficial College Football Bowl Preview

Welcome Bubba, friend of PerformanceEnhancedBlogging and College Football/SEC expert extraordinaire. Bubba is disillusioned with the state of college football's postseason, the economy and the country as a whole. He has been kind enough to give us a dick-joke filled preview of what promises to be another (useless and un)exciting college football bowl season.

O God...here we go... I feel a rant coming along... I'm at Chik-fil-a, two old people cut me off. They just walked in and stood in front of me. Fuck it, let's just talk bowl matchups:

I like the Michigan State-'Bama match up. Mich State will win t

hat game. Spartans will win by twenty.

F'n bowl games...it's like they mean something...but they really don't. They mean nothing.

UGA playing who? Central Florida. In the Liberty Bowl. What does Memphis have to do with liberty, you ask? Memphis has everything to do with liberty. Memphis is a seven letter word, which in football you score six points plus a PAT; instead of a PAT, worth one point, you can go for two to give you eight...so 7 x 8 = 56, the amount of people who signed the Declaration of Independence, which gave all Americans justice and.....LIBERTY!

Any who, bowl games are retarded, let's break some down...GT vs Air Force in the Champs of Zero Conferences Bowl. Lots of running in that game. The loser of that game is the field crew; that turf will be torn up between the has marks from all the running plays. They get plenty of time to prepare for this one, Shreveport isn't exactly a hot bed.

Next game:

North Carolina and Kentucky in the Gaylord-Our-Rooms-Are-Half-Off-For-This-One Hotel Bowl. The real winner: the fans. Nashville is like Los Angeles without the tan.

Let's scoot down to Florida where the Gators and the Nittany Lions will play for the Golden Steak in the "Let's Go To Outback at 11 a.m. on New Year's Day" Bowl. For fuck sake, no one eats steak at 11 in the morning... They should call it the "Mcdonald's Breakfast is Still Being Served Bowl."

The Fiesta Bowl game is a joke. UCONN has four losses. OU is an 18 point favorite. UCONN lost to Temple. At least they didn't put TCU vs UCONN.

Let's talk "Beef O' My God I'd literally rather eat at this shitty restaurant than go to Beef O' Bradys" Bowl. Southern Miss will honor Brett Favre's legacy by playing Louisville in this bowl game. It's a matchup for sure... But only because two teams will be playing is it a matchup, nobody will really care, and no one will be at Beef O' Bradys for it either.

The Sheraton "Let's Go To Hawaii and Host Hawai'i" Bowl.

Tulsa will leave it's comfortable Central Time Zone for the Hawai'i time zone; the only thing more interesting in that matchup is if Tulsa will be able to withstand the climate of Hawai'i, it's not an easy place to play. Say aloha (goodbye) to ratings in this one.

I'm looking forward to not watching that matchup.

I feel bad for our troops in the Northrop Grumman (wtf is that?) Military Bowl.

Our soldiers serve our country proud, what better way to honor them than to play a game between Pirates and Turtles. I mean Jesus Chr

ist, why don't they play the game in a salt water pool? Atleast it'd be entertaining.

And a first... This bowl game will not be remembered.... So thank you, troops.

You know what would actually get fans to watch the New Era Pinstripe Bowl?!? They take the basketball teams of Syracuse and Kansas State and let them play football.

Be sure to tune into the GoDaddy.com Bowl on January 6th, not only will you not care about college football after this point, you are sure as hell to not care about this one. Winners in this game, the 10 fans who actually tune in for the GoDaddy commercials that lead you to believe that if you go to their website, you can watch Danica Patrick perform lesbian sex acts...

Pizza pizza!! Little Caesars is hosting a bowl in Detroit... This game ought to pump some money into the struggling motown city. Wait, nevermind, they are paying to let Toledo and Florida International play. This must be part of the stimulus package. God damn isn't college football grand?

Troy and Ohio are playing in the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl. Talking to one local in New Orleans, he wished another hurricane would come in and drown the city again to avoid this "matchup"... People want food and shelter, NOT Trojans and Bobcats.

The Vegas Bowl will have to jack up there security for this game... Once thought to be BCS Busters, now in a December 22nd game... The city of Las Vegas will be on code red when the Mormon Utes and potato farming Broncos come to town....

The New Mexico Bowl is the first bowl to get this bowl season started.... UTEP vs BYU at 2:00 p.m. I will say this, "nope."

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl... I'd rather see the Army team come out in full combat gear. SMU is trying to rebuild....What in the world are these teams playing for?!

Ok...So those are the bad ones...Let's break down the good ones now:

The Chik-fil-a Bowl... How are two teams sup

posed to be happy about playing in this bowl? Every year they send the loser of the ACC and SEC Championship Game to this one... People go to that one because Atlanta is a pretty cool town. I got South Carolina winning that one, close, and carrying home the Pepsi Consolation Game Consolation Trophy. Pepsi, when they're out of Coke.

Notre Dame vs Miami... Call your uncle, ask him about how good these teams were he was in college and it might jack you up for the 2010 version. Miami in a blow out.

'Bama vs. Michigan State... They say this is the east coast bowl to go to if you don't get a BCS bid... Well these two teams are happy about that. MSU won a share of the Big Ten title, so they get to play an overrated 'Bama team who hasn't won a big game all year. MSU rolls.

The Allstate "I Don't Drink My Coffee Black I Need Some Cream and" Sugar Bowl. Are you in good hands? Ohio State vs the Razorbacks of Arkansas... This game, with all due respect, doesn't really shake a candle to the Ticketcity Bowl,with the dynamite game of Northwestern and Texas Tech... I'd rather watch Mike Leach laugh at burn victims or go on a low-carb diet with Mangino than watch that one. The Sugar Bowl will get a good crowd though. The Buckeyes travel well and Arkansas is pretty close.

The Rose Bowl... The Grandaddy of 'Em All... Presented by Vizio... Ok, so here's my take on this, TCU loses to Wisconsin. The stadium holds close to 100,000 fans. The Badgers will have about 80 percent of that.

I do like the Insight Bowl, too. Missouri and Iowa... These teams are so confused whether or not to be good.

The big one this December though is the matchup in the Poinsetta Bowl. Navy is ranked 5th in the country in rushing yards, they are so ready to play the Aztecs that they accepted this bowl bid before they even fucking finished their season! (They play Navy on Saturday). Navy could easily be undefeated, they were screwed in the opener vs. Maryland, lost a battle to Air Force, only because it was in Colorado and their main weapons, battleships, don't work too well on land. And they should have beat Duke.

The Aztecs come in at 8-4, and have a throwing attack that ranks 11th in the country. The coach says that the Aztecs ability to throw the ball can be thanked to the training there young men got as boys. You see, the Aztecs are a civilization that uses spears to hunt; they throw these spears to kill. Great arm strength and precision... This is a doozy.

The Alamo Bowl... All I know about the Alamo was that the Spurs play their basketball games there and Billy Bob played in a movie about it. As much as I know about the Alamo Bowl, I know eveb less about the two teams playing in it. Arizona is a team every year thinking they could win the Pacific Conference, but they always lose a game or six to teams that I really don't even care about or are worth mentioning. Oklahoma State is the same way. It's hard for OSU to be taken serious. First of all, they have the colors of the holiday where girls dress up like skanks and their mothers and fathers take pictures of them, so their colors are immoral. Secondly, they are in the Sooner state, so Barry Sanders is all they got.

The Meineke "Take Care of your Car Because it's Not Worth Spending Money on a Plane Ticket" Bowl is actually a pretty decent matchup, that is if the teams were decent. Clemson has the best baseball player on their team so that should help them with nothing at all. Look forward to these teams acting very hyped when running onto the field then settling down immediately, I'm talking even before kickoff. These boys will have more butterflys in there stomach from not getting caught drinking and driving on New Year's Eve than this game. South Florida wins by a little less quit.

A truly Once-In-A-Lifetime occurrence

This blog is, on occasion, known to indulge in a little hyperbole. Terms like Earth-shattering or Once-in-a-lifetime may get used a little too often than is probably warranted. This is often the case with most people who write about sports. Males are commonly sports fans AND supreme sentimentalists. They can get caught up in the moment and can lack perspective at moments of extreme excitement.

This is not one of those times.

Yesterday afternoon Brooks Conrad, a 30 year-old career minor leaguer hit a walk-off, pinch-hit, against all-odds, Grand Slam with the Atlanta Braves down three runs in the bottom of the ninth. In the 130 year recorded history of baseball, this has happened only one other time. On July 8, 1950, as the Korean War was just beginning, Jack Phillips hit the first pinch-hit, walk-off Grand Slam (with the Pirates down three) in history.Phillips would finish his MLB career with only nine home runs, Conrad now has five.

Only twenty three men have ever hit a walk-off, Grand Slams with their team down three. Babe Ruth has. Bobby Thomson has. Roberto Clemente? Yup. The last one to do it was Adam Dunn, who is actually paid to hit the ball out of the ballpark, and do little else. And now Brooks Conrad has joined that list, as totally improbable and unlikely as it is. He has even joined a more exclusive list.

More men have walked on the moon than have done what Brooks Litchfield Conrad was able to do on Monday. More sitting Presidents have been assassinated than have hit pinch-hit, walk-off, Grand Slams with their team down three. With the last (and only other) having happened in 1950, it is safe to say this is a once in a lifetime occurrence.

This Braves season has had it’s fair share on hyperbolic moments already. Jason Heyward hit a three-run home run in his first major league swing. A couple weeks later, they got no-hit but Ubaldo Jimenez. There has definitely been no shortage of moments to get caught up in with the Braves this season.

The Romance Post, part 1 of....1?

I have recently been charged with the challenge--in an attempt to drive or readership (and/or writership) by appealing to a wider audience--to post a blog about Romance. This is funny/sad/terrifying/insulting probably for a wide variety of reasons. The utmost of which must be the irony that, as someone who blogs in my spare time (read: blogger), how much could I really know on the subject?

Well...as it turns out...shockingly...very little.

But not to be discouraged! I firmly believe that nobody else really does either (except for perhaps old, wise people, but chances are they are not doing any blogging any time soon, so you are sort of stuck with me). Someone has either been in a lot of relationships, which means they failed a lot and clearly cannot be trusted, or they have been in very few relationships and therefore have no credible experience. Face it, no one can really be an expert on the subject of romance/love. (Yes I realize all I did to give myself credibility is destroy the credibility of any dissension, but that is what politicians always do, and they are getting voted for, so I figure it works.)

As it turns out, I always have some experience writing on the subject. My first ever piece of writing out of high school was actually an entrance essay to the University of Georgia addressing the simple question, "What is Love?" (The other choice was something about the impact of Martin Luther King, Jr. that really restricted my ability to MAKE UP WHATEVER I WANTED TO SAY.) I proceeded to use about 500 words describing my love for the Atlanta Braves and Cleveland Browns and a few other events/inanimate objects. At the time I was convinced my idea was SO original SO refreshing and clever that I would already be thrown on the Dean's List just for existing (my 2.8 high school GPA be damned). As fate would have it, I was denied admission to UGA very quickly.

I am actually less of a writer and more of an observational humorist. I write (often cynical) stories about things I see during the course of the day. Again, I hold out hope that this gives me an advantage as, having worked at a Quizno's for two years, I have direct knowledge of a wide realm of love/happiness and loneliness/sadness. As a sandwich shop employee, you quickly learn to loathe not only the uselessly in love couples who can't take their tongue out of each other's mouths long enough to order but also the callously depressed and lonely looking and sounding people planning to eat their bitterness away with a large Mesquite Chicken with extra Ranch.

(More irony: The reason I know the ends of the spectrum so well is probably because I inhabited both at some point or another while employed at Quizno's. I only got the job there because my girlfriend would insist on eating there at least four times of week, so I pleaded with the manager to employee me so I could get some of my money so I could continue to keep her happy by feeding her endless bowls of Broccoli Cheese soup. This delicate life cycle sustained itself only momentarily.

It certainly made things interesting post-break-up as I went from receiving bacon and eggs from my ex-girlfriend in bed to making her a small Turkey-Bacon-Guacamole on her lunch break. My only sweet vindication was going super light on the bacon AND guacamole and still continuing to charge her full price...ha!

Ok, I didn't charge her full price, but I still held incredible satisfaction knowing she was sitting, eating quietly yearning for a more full flavor of bacon and guacamole!)

At any rate, I will attempt to avoid making this series of posts too self-deprecating and auto-biographical. Although, not talking about myself usually proves pretty challenging.

To be continued...

The Case Against Skip

ESPN has often had trouble creating A.M. programming for it's sister station, ESPN2. I remember the days of morning exercise sessions, and later Cold Pizza, which has been repackaged and called First Take.

First Take as a show, is compelling enough. The interviews are usually interesting and the hosts Jay Crawford and Dana Jacobson work well in their spots and are pleasant enough for the morning. The biggest eye/ear sore in the First Take lineup is the loudly irritating and useless segment 1st and 10 (a failed holdover from Cold Pizza, minus the good-natured humor of Woody Paige).

1st and 10 is a segment that pits Cold Pizza and First Take regular Skip Bayless against a "guest" debater, which more often than not is someone of the opposite sex/race (this often plays out for plenty of uncomfortable, subtle, racism/sexism as Skip routinely takes the majority/white male side of the argument).

(It should be noted that this post is not trying to accuse Skip Bayless of being a racist or a sexist, it is impossible to know if his views expressed on the show are actually his or just an attempt to create conflict and create the segment more watchable.)

There is a term in the radio for the way Skip acts on a regular basis...it is simply called playing radio. This is done essentially to anger listeners into calling in and voicing their disagreement, all the while increasing the entertainment value for the listener. In radio this works when used sparingly because if the listener is in a constant state of being pissed off he or she will eventually just find something else to listen to.

Playing radio does not work on TV, as much as Skip would like. He just ends up arguing with the same three people every week with the same broken record arguments. Pardon the Interruption works because it is a unique idea handled by two level-headed and intelligent personalities that DEBATE both sides of an argument rather than an emotionally-charged squabble.

Luckily for Skip, there isn't too much concern for ratings on a midday sports-show segment, so his job is pretty much secure as long as he doesn't do anything stupid outside of the studio. The rest of us will just have to continue taking Tylenol or watching ESPNEWS run over and over and over...

A Dream For Steve

My sister sent me a link to this article describing Steven Tyler suddenly taking over a karaoke contest with his rendition of his own “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing.” Later that night I had this dream:

I’m driving around a neighborhood that looks partly my own, but then also partly strange and off, such as is any familiar place that is duplicated in a dream. I find an unusual establishment and stumble into the odd bar looking for a brew late in a Tuesday evening. I am greeted by the warmth and stench of the smoke and alcohol from the bar and the smell of fried grease emanating from the kitchen. The place is largely empty, save for about a half dozen drunks participating in an oddly subdued and low key karaoke party opposite the bar.

I make my way the bar and order a beer and quietly share it with a few other patrons as we watch the muted basketball game on TV. We are all just sort of enjoying the inhibition-less singers as they perform their favorite love songs. After about thirty minutes I am well into my second beer and I hear the faint opening chords of Oh, Sherrie...I don’t look up, I just smile to myself soaking in the greatest love song ever written.

When the performer begins to sing—as no one else on this planet can—there is no reason for alarm, no need to jump or make the dozen immediate phone calls that are surely warranted by this once-in-a-lifetime situation. I simply sit quietly. My eyes never leave the beer in front of me, as my ears soak in the beautiful ballad.

After the song completed, I paid my tab and headed out, finding the singer on my way. It wasn’t hard to recognize him—I know his face well—though he is older now, even weary, but not necessarily sad; it is almost as if he is totally at peace. I simply walked up to him, shook his hand and offered, "Thanks," and the look in his eyes let me know that's all he needed, and I quickly shuffled out.

I hopped in my car and started the ignition. The radio sprang to life by was initially drowned out by the roar of the starting engine, as the pistons settled down the sound coming from the old car stereo speakers became more clear….”Should’ve been gone….”

And then, I woke up.

The one where we lament over Tiger's tragedy

When the dust settles and the facts of the incident become clear to all, the impact of December 2009 in the world of sports culture will be unable to be understated. Only Jordan had such an impact on sports from such a young age. And even he didn’t find worldwide success as quickly as Tiger did.

In 1996 Tiger was a boy challenging men in the most grueling golfing event of the year. How many times in life do we say, "That kid will be the greatest ever," and it's actually true? Nearly never, but with Tiger it was.

In the midst of steroids and Vick and Kobe and Phelps’ bong...we had Tiger. Even Lance Armstrong faced accusations and a broken household.

He won with class and without controversy. Quite simply, he was (is?) the best.

Was it a lie? Did he let us down? Was the pressure we placed on him fair? He always owned Sunday, and was seemingly never rattled. But was he really striving under the pressure, or just simply keeping from cracking? Did we let him down? He didn’t ask to be our sports savior, were we really offered anything more than the best he could do on the course?

He never cheated the game. This wasn’t Rose’s or Jordan’s gambling. There will be no investigation by the PGA or the FBI. It speaks to how we held Tiger, that he is being so indicted for not a legal issue, but a moral one. Who knows how many women he slept with or how many will come forward? It isn’t important now; once that number hit more than one it was all over. Now each one still matters, is still significant, but they matter less and less.

But should we fans be surprised? The notion of a hero striving for perfection and falling just short is one that is as old as human history. Aristotle coined the term hamartia, referring to the tragic flaw of Grecian heroes. There was always one imperfection, no matter how small or discrete, that would prevent a hero from being anything more than just one of us…from being human.

Perhaps that is what it boiled down to. We were all just shocked that it turned out Tiger Woods was as human as the rest of us. He does stupid shit that he probably knows he shouldn’t. He does things without thinking about consequence. These things are natural and integral part of the human experience.

The next chapter of this saga remains largely unseen. Woods has made his path to greatness even that much difficult. He must continue to chase history under an even larger magnifying glass than before. The fans will be relentless. Everyone will be watching and waiting to see—just as on nearly every summer Sunday afternoon—whether Tiger will persevere and overcome or will he crumble and fail as he rarely does.

It has been two months since PEBs last post. This was due partially to a busy schedule by the writers, an overabundance of alcohol available to the writers and maybe just lack of inspiration. With the upcoming college football bowl games and the NFL playoffs, along with the heating up of the NBA and NCAA basketball seasons, there is no shortage of story lines to report and write about.

But rest assured, we are not back to bitch and moan about the BCS system (at least right now; our official position on the situation is that "It blows") or discuss the implications of the Saints or Colts attempting to go 16-0.

What we cannot (and will not) provide is an asylum from the Tiger Woods circus, unfortunately. It is actually the disaster that has become the world's greatest golfer's life that has awoken us from our slumber. I have never been a good golfer. I enjoy watching it occasionally (especially the majors). But when Tiger is playing golf becomes more than a casual Sunday or Saturday afternoon. It becomes an event that rivals any of the greatest and most exciting sporting events on TV.

So, without further ado, I present PerformanceEnhancedBlogging's resurrection.

Brady's Weekly Picks....

First things first… all I have to say is that even though I didn’t have the start I was looking for last week, BAUM WENT 0-5 on the weekend!! Way to step up your picks bro. You are terrible.

As for me, I went a not-so-impressive 2-3 last week. The ACC once again showed that it is inconsistent when a BAD Virginia team not only covered the spread versus a formally ranked Tarheel team, but THEY WON by double digits! Duke showed that they aren’t as terrible as years past by covering against Virginia Tech at home. The one pick of the week that bummed me out was definitely the Packers over the Vikings pick. I, of all people, should NEVER bet against Favre on a Monday night when his emotions are on the line. He proved to everyone that he can still play, and I’m sure he was excited to impress over his former ‘mates.

As for this week, the main goal is to go over .500. I’m planning on taking a more conservative approach to my picks this week as you will see. With a two game lead over Baum already, look for me to increase that this weekend with some more winners. (PS: The Browns are still bad)

Here we go…

1. Georgia Bulldogs (+1) @ Tennessee Volunteers
With this spread, this is an obvious ‘pick ‘em’ game. I know the game is at Neyland Stadium where Tennessee traditionally plays well. However, I believe Georgia is the better team and will come through with a big road victory this weekend. Don’t forget, a mediocre UCLA team beat the Vols at home. Look for Georgia to win comfortably.
2. Alabama (-5) @ Ole Miss
I’m picking this matchup solely because I believe Alabama is one of the top 2 teams in the country. Their defense is outstanding and their offense has been dominant in the run game so far this year. Ole Miss is a solid team, but they got shut down by South Carolina’s defense for 4 quarters. Alabama’s defense sets the pace, and the Tide cover the 5 points.
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Philadelphia Eagles (-15.5)
Welcome back McNabb, Eagles cover the spread.
4. New England Patriots (-3.5) @ Denver Broncos
New England ends the Broncos streak.
5. Indianapolis Colts (-4) @ Tennessee Titans
The Colts continue to dominate and win by 2 touchdowns.

Lines provided by bodog.com

Baum's (not so) can't miss picks of the week...October 3rd and 4th edition.

Hello everyone and welcome. Football season is upon us once again and that means time for some guessing and gambling. And because you are busy heating cheese dip and passing out at halftime, we here at PerformanceEnhancedBlogging are giving you five for-sure picks that will allow you to keep your sad and poorly funded little operation afloat for one more week.

The consistency and helpfulness of Baum's Picks has come under fire by some on the blog recently and a challenger has arisen. It is during times of competition and adversity that a man can truly show himself and others that of which he is capable. I trust this will be such a time.

Baum was 2-3 last week and is 9-11 on the year. He will start off 0-0 vs. The Truth.
Peyton Manning turned out to be, in fact, Peyton Manning and the Falcons refused to throw the ball down field. Meanwhile the Pac-10 continues to be a bettors worst nightmare. Here are this weeks picks (Sorry about three ACC picks, The Pac-1o continues to screw me over and nobody really cares about the Big 10...just nothing else I like):

1. Virginia Cavaliers @ North Carolina Tar Heels (-13)*
The Heels are coming of a road loss at Ga Tech. They played the option much better at home last year, but this year they could do nothing offensively or defensively. Expect Butch Davis to have UNC poised and ready to come out at home against Virginia, which largely counts as a Division II school this year. Tarheels will cover the necessary two touchdowns.

2. Virginia Tech Hokies @ Duke Blue Devils (+16.5)
Duke's only chance of covering is if the Hokies let up late. Don't count on Frank Beamer allowing this to happen...Hokies win by twenty.

3. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (-6) @ Mississippi State Bulldogs
The Jackets are coming off a 24-7 win vs. UNC where they played their best all-around game all year. Miss State is coming of a loss to LSU where they probably did the same. Tech won this in a blow-out in Atlanta last year, which is all well and good, but that means the Bulldogs have a little more of an idea of what to expect in Starkville this year. I don't like Tech to cover, this one will be decided by a field goal.

4. Cincinnati Bengals (-5.5) @ Cleveland Browns
As a Browns fan, this is not easy...or maybe it is. The Browns have no identity on either side of the ball. The Bengals are a miracle play against Denver from being 3-0 and are coming off a win against the Super Bowl Champs. Derek Anderson is the Browns starting QB, for now, but does it really matter? Bengals will win by the lake easily, take Cincy and lay the points.

5. Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots(-1.5)
The Patriots are still getting favored hear just on name alone I think. They did play the Falcons tough and took care of business, but there defense is less than fearful and with pressure early this year, Tom Brady has been less than stellar. The Ravens on the other hand, might be the team to beat in the AFC. The defense is just as nasty as always, and with Flacco winging it and a three-headed monster of McGahee, Rice and McClain coming out of the back field, the Boston front four will be begging for mercy. Baltimore wins by a field goal.






*Baum's lines are retrieved from Rivals.com through Yahoo!

If You Want REAL Winners; Listen to Me, Not Baum

Over the first few weeks of the season I would glance at my good pal Baum's "can't miss picks of the week" and at times I would just find myself laughing. How do you pick against Tom Brady and Peyton Manning in the same week? Those picks might even be worse than the Cleveland Browns performances so far this year. Baum, stop holding out hope. Derek Anderson is NOT the savior.

Enter me. I mentioned to Baum earlier in the year that we should make this competitive. He said no. He was scared. And after an 8-12 start on his part, I can understand why. Beginning this week, I will give you MY 5 picks of the week. Now, I'm not going to give you any guarantees or anything but I can promise you I won't do as bad as Baum. If I do, then I'll just blame the swine flu or Eric Mangina.

1. Virginia Tech (-17) at Duke
Coach Beamer and crew have played well all season except for maybe two quarters. They looked like they pulled all the pieces together last week when they absolutely clobbered Miami 31-7. Don't look for them to fall asleep against Duke this week. Virginia Tech covers the 17 points.

2. USC (-5) at California
Who would have thought that both of these teams are playing in a "must-win" game the first weekend in October? Well this game could very well be one of those situations. California got absolutely rocked last week by Oregon on the road. USC has looked great at times and bad at times. Losing to Washington and struggling in the 2nd half against Washington State. Look for the game to be close but my gut tells me that this is the worst USC team we have seen in Pete Carroll's tenure. However, USC still finds a way to win by 7.

3. Cincinnati Bengals (-6) at Cleveland Browns
This game actually scares me a little bit and I'll tell you why. By no mistake am I saying that the Browns are any good, but they have a chance to win this game. And by chance I mean, as much of a chance as Baum has at beating me this week. The thing that scares me is that it is hard to swallow the fact that the Bengals are legitimate. I want to believe it just seems too much like an oxymoron to me. Derek Anderson will try his best to give the Browns a chance to win. I'm going against my gut here, and am going to say..... Take the Bengals, AND the points.

4. New York Giants (-9) at Kansas City Chiefs
I know I'm picking a lot of road favorites to cover, which statistically is not a favorable choice, but the reality here is the Chiefs are almost as bad as the Browns. They got ran over last week by a Philadelphia Eagles team that is not as good as the New York Giants, especially on defense. Look for the Giants to continue their fast start and improve to 4-0. Giants win by at least 10.

5. Green Bay Packers (+3 1/2) at Minnesota Vikings
As if we aren't all intrigued by this matchup. Brett Favre finally gets his chance to play his former beloved Green Bay Packers. I'm emotionally invested in this game as I'm sure a lot of the fans that will be watching are. This is a toss up. Favre was miraculous last week with his 4th quarter comeback. How will he handle the nerves, and the pressure to win this game? Aaron Rodgers also has a lot to prove in this, did-we-forget, huge divisional rivalry. I'm pulling for Brett Favre to have a performance of the ages, but I'm betting on Green Bay to cover the points.


So there you have it folks. My introductory picks of the season. All I really care about is that I get more correct than Baum does, cause he stinks and he's a Browns fan. FHL.com.

Word.

The GAME

Its BALLHAWK TIME.........................
As i sit in the warehouse and drink a cold brew and think about beautiful women, i get to sit back a watch a beautiful game called FOOTBALL. I know all you meat heads are thinking he must be talking about Touchdowns and Cheerleaders, but not so fast my friend..... Im talking about non stop action no timeouts no little red flags that are stuffed between a coaches belt and package. Im talking about the Worlds most popular game that here in the states we call soccer. I get why most people dont like Football (soocer) they think that it isnt a tough sport or its a sport for girls. Ill be the first to say that i hate watching womens sports but to call Football (soocer) and girls sports is like calling the Browns a great franchise. Thats so far from the truth for one these so called girls are the hightest paid athelets and oh yea they also dont let little dumb blondes mess up there chance to win games, thats for you MR. ROMO. I would love to see anyone that doesnt think its a great sport or there isnt enough scorign to try and run for 45min straigh, see how girly the game is. If americans want to get Football (soocer) big than they have to get all these sterotypes about the wonderful game out of the non fit one beer drinking football fans. There are more drama queens in american football than anyother sport but you dont see anyone calling that game a joke or a girls game. So give it a shot grab your favorite brew sit back and get ready to get a hard on....
And im out

Sneak Attack - Round #2! Oh The Carnage!

Baum I Own You.

Word.

Baum Gets Knocked Out With A Sneak Attack... YOU CAN'T SEE ME!

The Champ is Here!!

Word.

Baum's can't miss picks of the week: Week 4

Hello everyone and welcome. Football season is upon us once again and that means time for some guessing and gambling. And because you are busy heating cheese dip and passing out at halftime, we here at PerformanceEnhancedBlogging are giving you five for-sure picks that will allow you to keep your sad and poorly funded little operation afloat for one more week.

Baum was 2-3 last week, making him 7-8 on the year.

1. Arizona State (+12) @ UGA
Georgia has scored points in bunches but the defense has been lackluster. Eventually Joe Cox and AJ Green won't be able to keep up. Luckily for them a mediocre Sun Devil team will not give them too much of a test, but will have some extra motivation looking to avenge a home loss to the Bulldogs last year. Georgia wins, but doesnt cover

2. Florida @ Kentucky (+21.5)
Kentucky is a huge home-dog to number one FLorida. But the Gators were exposed by a far weaker Volunteer team in the Swamp last week. The Wildcat's D is nothing like that of Tennessees but their offense can keep things close. Floirda wins by 19.


3. California @ Oregon (+5.5). Lay the points, take Cal...Jahvid Best is too good.

4. Atlanta Falcons (+4.5) @ New England Patriots
The Falcons are hot and playing well on both sides of the ball. Tom Brady is still shaky coming of a missed year. This one will be decided by a field goal, and Atlanta may win it outright.

5. Indianapolis Colts @ Arizona Cardinals (-2.5)
Don't get caught up in the hype. Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne will be too much for the Cards defense. Colts will win it 28-26.

The Warehouse Fantasy Football Standings: Week 2!

Mary-- you're lucky.

Ben-- you stink.


Word.

NFL Update: What Have We Learned After 2 Weeks?

It's hard to believe, but two weeks of the NFL season have already come and gone. What have we learned? Let's dig into it....

#1 - Drew Brees is the real deal. Through two games he has thrown for 9 touchdowns with only 1 interception, while completing a ridiculous 75% of his pass attempts. The question now becomes, are the Saints legit? They have put up 45+ points in both of their games this season. Will anyone's defense be able to stop this offense?! Saints are going to be a factor late in the season.

#2 - Tom Brady might be feeling the effects of his knee injury after all. Not only that, but I think the Patriots formula is finally slowing down. For years they have been notorious for signing post-prime players and rejuvenating their careers. The players cost less, and usually performed at a higher level than they did with their previous team. However, I think this formula is slowly going to cost the Patriots some games this year. Their defense is old and slow, and their offense won't be the same until Brady stops thinking about his injury. Don't count the Patriots out just yet, but there should be cause for concern.

#3 - Tony Gonzalez was a major pick up for the Atlanta Falcons. The Atlanta Falcons were an 11-5 team last season with a rookie quarterback and a rookie head coach. After upgrading with a guy like Tony Gonzalez, it give Matty Ice the perfect check down guy. He is arguably the best tight end to play the game and could possibly be the piece that puts the Falcons over the top. So far it looks like the Falcons are a surefire lock to end the streak of never having back to back winning seasons. Falcons are legit.

#4 - Brett Favre is doing exactly what he needs to be doing for the Minnesota Vikings. Favre was brought back to manage a game. His main job is to turn around and hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson, who is the best back in the game. In passing situations, he is protecting the ball and not being his traditional gunslinger self. This has prove very effective for him and the Vikings who are looking solid at 2-0 in a fairly inconsistent division. Props to my boy Favre, glad to see him back on the field doing well.

#5 - Are the San Francisco 49ers legit? Mike Singletary is proving to be a pretty solid head coach. Their defense is playing well enough to keep them in every game as they have gotten off to a 2-0 start to the season; without Michael Crabtree. Koudos to that organization as they finally seem to be turning in the right direction. They have a legitimate shot at winning the NFC West with all of the other teams being fairly inconsistent.

Other quick comments...

-The Browns and Lions are bad. Period.

-Chad Ochocinco is still the man. Loved the Lambeau leap this past week.

-Sleve Slaton was a horrible fantasy draft pick so far.

-The Cowboys new stadium is INSANE. Love it.



That's all for now...

Word.

Baum's can't miss picks of the weekend: Week 3

Hello everyone and welcome. Football season is upon us once again and that means time for some guessing and gambling. And because you are busy heating cheese dip and passing out at halftime, we here at PerformanceEnhancedBlogging are giving you five for-sure picks that will allow you to keep your sad and poorly funded little operation afloat for one more week.


Baum was 3-2 last week and is 5-5 on the year.



Week 2 Recap: Both the Buckeyes and the Gamecocks did well to cover and nearly each won their games. Notre Dame's offense continues to be explosive but not as explosive as the New Orleans saints who easily covered against the lowly Lions. The Hilltoppers ruined the cover by just more than a field goal.



1. Boston College (+7) @ Clemson Tigers

The Tigers are a very talented offense. They have the ability to score in bunches as they did last thursday. They come at Boston College after ten days off and back at home. BC has picked on some lowly team early, but if Daybo can stay away from the tricks and gimmicks, Clemson will win by double digits.

2. North Texas Mean Green (+38.5) at Alabama North Texas is bad and Alabama has looked sharp early. But even Florida Internationl only lost by 24. The Mean Green have already beaten what was a fairly good MAC team last year in Oxford, so look for them to cover.

3. Florida State Seminoles (+7.5) at Brigham Young Cougars
Florida States inability to stop the pass will seal their doom against the Cougar. Travelling cross country for this game will also play a part in the Seminoles poor performance. The ACC has struggled against pretty much every other conference this year, and this game will prove no different. Look for BYU to win big.





4. Utah Utes (+5) at Oregon Ducks
Without their star running back, Oregon's offense will continue to struggle. Utah is now the better team. Oregon barely fended off Purdue last week and will have just as much trouble with the Utes. This one will be decided by a field goal.



5. Minnesota Vikings (-10) at Detroit Lions
I hate to pick on the Lions but it is so easy. Look for the Vikings to use the exact same reciped agains Detroit as they did against the Browns...pound early and play keep away once you get the lead. Adrian Peterson's legs will run Matt Stafford in to making plenty of mistakes. Lay the points and take Minnesota.

BREAKING NEWS: MCNABB INJURED -- VICK TO START WEEK 3.

McNabb goes down after rushing TD vs. Carolina Panthers.

Baum's can't miss picks of the week.

Hello everyone and welcome. Football season is upon us once again and that means time for some guessing and gambling. And because you are busy heating cheese dip and passing out at halftime, we here at PerformanceEnhancedBlogging are giving you five for-sure picks that will allow you to keep your sad and poorly funded little operation afloat for one more week.

All punches aside, Oregon and Boise surprised last week with a knock-down, drag-out defensive brawl. Maryland turns out to be much worse than anyone could have anticipated (along with many other ACC bottom dwellers, as three of them lost at home to CAA teams). Even if they could have pulled out a miracle, the Seminole's defense cost them any hope of covering the spread. Even with the awkward delivery [Miami's QB] shreded the FSU secondary for 330+ yards.

Baum is 2-3 after last week. I am sort of pressed for time so this will be quick. And here are the moneymakers:

South Carolina @ UGA (-7)
Joe Cox is not ready to run the Bulldogs. South Carolina plays them tough traditionally and is coming off a strong win. This one will be decided by less than a field goal. Take South Carolina plus the touchdown.

USC (-7) @ Ohio State
This game is a do-over for the Buckeyes. They lost some key offensive players, but Terrel Pryor continues to mature. USC lost several members on defense and is led by a freshman. Going east in to the Horseshoe is no easy task. Buckeyes will win it.

Notre Dame @ Michigan (Over/under 48 1/2)
These two offense still haven't found a rhythm. Jimmy Clausen will not have an easy time in the big house...this one should get sloppy. Go with the under.


South Florida Bulls (-25) @ Western Kentucky Hilltoppers
Not a whole lot to say here. The Hilltoppers are real bad. The Bulls will cover easily.

Detroit Lions (+13) @ New Orleans Saints
This is the easiest pick this week. The Saints are a well-tuned machine and the Lions are, well, the Lions. Stafford is there to throw to Calvin Johnson but this is still a feeling out period. The Saints will win by more than two touchdowns.